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Iyouboushi On June - 13 - 2010

Fear of Clowns is a fairly low budget film (but not as low as Mr. Jingles) written by a guy who wants to create a classic icon on the same level as Freddy Kreuger, Michael Myers and Jason Vorhees. Did he succeed? Let’s break down Fear of Clowns and find out!

This movie stars a woman named Lynn Blodgett. Lynn has had a fear of clowns ever since she was little. How does she cope with this fear? By PAINTING THEM! Yes, that’s right. Lynn is a painter and her specialty is clowns. Every painting she does has them. She’s also a house squatter that’s going through a divorce and has a child.

One night a clown (whose name is Shivers, though I don’t think we’re ever told that in the film) stares at her from the street and goes a few doors down and kills the family that lives there. Enter the detective, Officer Patrick, whose actor I think forgot he’s not in an old gumshoe 50’s detective film.

While holding an event at the art gallery, Lynn meets Tuck Reed, a guy who designs roller coasters and is richer than snot. He becomes the romantic interest throughout the film.

The rest of the film is basically Shivers going around stalking Lynn and killing everyone she holds dear as the detective tries to figure out who’s doing it and how to stop him. There’s a subplot with the soon-to-be-ex husband trying to get full custody and eventually we find out his ultimate goal. The climax occurs in a movie theater as Shivers finally gets Lynn where he wants her and tries to kill her.

But truthfully it’s pretty boring. You’d think a movie that involves a psycho killer clown would invoke a bit of fear, tense moments and an interesting plot if not just a pure slasher film. But the truth of the matter is, this film is just boring. It’s extremely dialog heavy and Shivers spends 90% of the film just staring awkwardly.

But that’s the plot..

The Good
+ Well, it’s better than Mr. Jingles!
+ Shivers uses a freakin battle axe! That’s pretty cool.
+ The detective is (unintentionally) funny due to the way he talks and looks (like he’s out of an old detective movie or something).
+ The face makeup on Shivers is actually kind of cool. The half smile is mesmerizing.

The Bad
+ The pacing in this film is just..slow. It’s really bad. There are moments where it seems like the actors are just staring off into la-la land because they hold the scene too long. There’s entire chunks that could be taken out completely and it would actually improve the film. This leads to the next point..
+ It isn’t scary at all BECAUSE (in part) of how messed up the pacing is. It’s hard to be scared when there’s no tension. Even Bri, who has a serious and deep fear of clowns, was more or less laughing and thought it was a bit boring/slow paced.
+ Shivers doesn’t really do anything to make himself fearsome. All the other horror legends DO stuff that makes them legends. Freddy kills in people’s dreams while making smart comments. Jason and Michael are unrelenting killing machines that will slaughter anything in their path. What does Shivers do? Start to walk up stairs, stop and just look around like a kid with ADHD. Seriously, it takes him like 5 minutes to up a staircase because he’s distracted every other step.

What The?
+ Shivers has no shirt throughout the entire film. Don’t believe me?

+ There’s a part where a guy commissions Lynn to draw his father, who happens to be a clown. Later you find out the father was a child molester but that plot thread goes absolutely nowhere. So why even bother bringing it up? Lynn still draws the picture, the guy ends up paying a fortune for it and it all ends happily.
+ Speaking of that guy, he’s either doing his best Tobin Bell (Jigsaw) impersonation, or he could pass as a vocal double.

Final Thoughts
I could probably go on, but overall how does this film rank? Well, not very high. Shivers is nowhere near the status of Freddy or Jason and the director is delusional if he thinks he is. The movie is not scary and really not all that funny (like Mr. Jingles was). But it IS more professionally shot, so due to this fact I’ll give it a 1 star out of 5.

And just so everyone knows… THEY MADE A SEQUEL! But you probably couldn’t pay me to see it..

Categories: Movie Reviews, Reviews

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