I've made it my mission to watch/review all zombie movies.
I haven't quite picked one to start with, just getting all the reivew kinks worked out.
Basically reviews will go like this:
MOVIE:
(clip if I can find one, as well as cover art)
Are They Zombies? Here I'll talk about if the zombies are real honest to god zombies or if they are cannibal werewolves or whatever craziness they use to explain the zomibes.
What kind of Zombies? Are they the slow mindless bumblers, the quick vicious chasers, or some other type of zombie?
How did they become Zombies? Is it airborne? Is it a virus, is it chemical warfare? All explained here.
How bloody is it? Is it on par with Dead Alive or is it Disney Does Zombies? a scale of 1-10 will be utilized. 1 being Disney, 10 being OMGZORZ SO BLOODY OMFG!
of course then we have plot synopsis, ( all the plots I assume will be very similar hence all the disambiguation above)
then was it good or not. Here I'll go over everything else, music, acting, whatnot.
A few lines to sum it up, and done. On to the next movie.
no poster necessary, as 2 is more than enough.. however...
here's a trailer...
ARE THEY ZOMBIES?: Despite the title, yeah, they're just regular old zombies. I suppose they could be vampires only in the sense that they feed on blood supposedly, mutant only due to the fact they are zombies due to being radiated by the sun.
WHAT KIND OF ZOMBIES? A mish mash of mindless and intelligent. Mostly your common everyday variety slow walking zombie although the smarter ones jump through windows, talk and whatnot. Apparently they still want to get it on too... Later on there are some strongman zombies that are pretty much immune to most gunshots (including ones to the head) which was a kind of neat idea. HOW DID THEY BECOME ZOMBIES? Supposedly a week from next thursday, a Solar Flare will go off and irradiate the earth's populace. Unless you are in a basement or a led sheilded warehouse, you will be mutated into a blood craving mutant zombie. HOW BLOODY IS IT?:for a zombie movie, its pretty tame on the gore. Its not Disney does zombies by any means, but its 5 on a scale of 10. MOST ZOMBIE MOMENT: Two zombies are attacking a topless girl on the street. They rip off her arm and she runs away screaming in terror and agony.
Plot: For some reason the sun sends out a bad CGI flare that causes most of humanity to turn into zombies. It also convieniently affects the gasoline so cars don't work. Apparently however that is all it affects as everything else is still pretty much the same. A couple of cops and two rival gangs are at war when this all goes down, lucky for them they are in a lead warehouse so they are immune from the radiation. They all wake up and find everyone is mutant zombie vampires (from the hood!) and they fight their way through the hood to get to a safe haven.
Good: This movie is bad, and knows it. There are quite a few laughably bad moments, but it really never fails to be entertaining. The music is surprisingly good considering the low budget, and the gore is done well enough to be somewhat believable. Movie references a plenty. They actually do a somewhat decent job of explaining how the mutation caused people to be zombies.
Bad: The low budget shows everywhere. The acting is awful, Even the serious parts are laughable, the story is strung together pretty badly. The sound effects are probably the worst part of the movie, often you get canned screams, punch noises and whatnot that just doesn't fit. Its almost like watching a cartoon. You don't really care about any of the characters, but that was kind of a given. Interestingly enough, little thought is given to the characters. Do they have loved ones, nah they're all explained away with a few lines of dialogue. Some of the zombie makeup looks like they just rubbed chocolate cake on their face and said GO act like a zombie.
All in all, its a mediocre effort, which surprisingly, was more than I was expecting. If this film were made 30 years ago, it'd be a classic. ( a cult one probably) all in all its not awful, but its not too good either. A solid meh.. If you can deal with constant F bombs and acting on par if not sometimes worse than the acting in Resident Evil 1 (the game, not the movie) Then this is for you. It's still better than house of the dead. (which I suspect will be reviewed by me here sometime in the future.)
WHAT KIND OF ZOMBIES? Scantily clad, usually crimson haired, running mindless zombies.
HOW DID THEY BECOME ZOMBIES? some were turned by some unexplained experimentation, others drank tainted punch, others took the traditional route and were bitten
HOW BLOODY IS IT? On a scale of 1-10, its a 6 or 7. Far bloodier than Mutant Zombies from the hood, but less creative in gore use.
MOST ZOMBIE MOMENT: smack a zombie in the head it dies. (seriously, that's about the whole movie.)
Plot: A traveling circus of freaks gets invited to some internet TV show personality's base of operations for an interview only to find its inhabited by sexy undead running amok due to a mad scientists experimentation gone awry.
Good: The song in the preview. The characters are interesting and different (at first.)Can be funny at times.
Bad: It is shot on a budget similar to that of the McBilly Bob Chronicles. (for those who don't know, it is a short film I shot with a camcorder for $0) The characters despite their interesting nature get boring and predictable fast. Zombies die in the same way over and over. The story is VERY bad, and rarely makes any sense.
All in all I'm glad it was a relatively short film. It really couldn't end soon enough, and I was pretty glad when it did. It's much like watching a porno, for the first 10 minutes, its interesting, the rest of the time you wonder why the hell the people signed up for this, and at the end of it all, you just want to clean your eyes with bleach. 2 out of 5.
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for you.
